I have just found the most incredible, helpful, pornography addiction recovery website----EVER!!
It's called rowboatandmarbles.org. GUYS. If you or a loved on has dealt with this- I can honestly say that you will find help on this website. I know that sounds like a huge promise, but I'm making it. Start with the essays on the right hand side- scroll down a little bit to find them.
The first four essays to read are: Sitting in a rowboat throwing marbles at a battleship, The ABCs of Addiction, A Letter to LDS Wives About Pornography, and Muck Fires in My Brain. Just these four alone will illuminate so much.
I know we've all read so many General Conference talks and articles, and have heard to pray more, be more contrite, read scriptures more, confess to bishops and loved ones, get therapy, etc., etc. The list goes on, and addicts are doing all these things, so why are they still addicted? They may even go years between relapses only to realize afterward they never really were in recovery, but just white-knuckling it all along.
The writer highlights four main things that an addict needs to be doing; professional, one-on-one therapy (with a therapist who is GREAT and specializes in sexual addictions- a regular marriage therapist WON'T cut it); attending meetings at Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), which is different than the church's Pornography Addiction Support Group (PASG) because all the studies show that PASG is just not working the way it is supposed to, and SA is turning out to be incredible effective; working with one's ecclesiastical leader; and confessing relapses and being open and honest with your spouse if you are married, or parent or close family member or friend if you are not. The message is that people who try to recover alone necessarily will FAIL! And the only people who are recovering (for good!!!!!!!!) are the people who are doing ALL four of these things.
So DO IT! Go to this website. Real, lasting, peace and recovery are possible. Check it out for yourself or a loved one- SERIOUSLY!
Hey, what are you still doing here???!?!?!? Go to rowboatandmarbles.org.
re: "...and confessing relapses and being open and honest with your spouse if you are married..."
ReplyDeleteDISCLOSURE CREATES TRAUMA FOR THE SPOUSE/FAMILY, AND SEX ADDICTION CAN TAKE A YEAR OR MORE TO STOP IN EVEN THOSE DOING 110% OF WHAT IS ASKED.
Do NOT go and disclose secrets to get rid of guilt... this is abusive. Likewise, DO NOT use a spouse as an accountability partner. This is what the SA fellowship is for. Only 12step accountability partners can be down on the ground with you and keep you accountable without sustaining permanent wounds.
DO NOT INFLICT THAT PAIN ON YOUR SPOUSE—put it in the right place: a trained therapists' office and at meetings/on the phone with your sponsor, and other 12 step members.
-do NOT make any disclosures of any sort to a spouse or family etc. or anyone who could be hurt, UNTIL it is managed and parsed through by a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction) Therapist. And not until ideally there is an amount of clean time.
If the CSAT has been trained well and is current in their certification, they will have training around dealing with the spouse and disclosure.
Disclosure is to be managed by a professional, not a random impulsive shotgun blast at your family. If we are guided by: 'is it necessary, true AND kind?' if we are to say something, then we need help of a program and a therapist who deals with this for a living.
DO NOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN: it is doing a 9th step, on your own, well before you are ready.