Get ready for a totally emo entry:
I get up at around 7:30 or 8 by magic. I've never been able to do that before. I think it's because I'm sleeping better now that I have the bed to myself. I eat a bowl of cereal, (usually Rice Chex or Frosted Mini-Wheats) and turn on my computer. I check my email, and reply to the few I received overnight. By then I've finished my cereal, and I put an everything bagel in the toaster. Then I eat it while I check facebook and reply to various things and comment on everyone's new pictures.
By now its a little after 8, and I begin to work on my homework for my independent classes- I try to do 2 out 3 subjects per day. By noon I am finished, and then make a burrito or PB and J for lunch. Then I watch a movie on netflix, take a shower, and go to either rehearsal or work at 3, depending on the day of the week. I finish around 6, come home, eat something (usually a piece of fruit, leftovers, and/or another bagel) and then check my email and facebook again. Then I call my mom, or gramma, or whoever, and we talk while I watch another movie on netflix, or fold laundry or something. Then at 9, Greg and I Skype, and talk about our day, and read scriptures together (currently Moses 3). Then I watch online whatever show I missed the day before because I don't have tv, and then around 10 or 11 I write in my journal, fill up the humidifier while my fabric bag of rice or something is heating up in the microwave (I can't sleep if my feet are cold), and then I fall asleep in about 1 minute.
This is the accidental routine I've fallen into since Greg has been gone. It's productive, relaxing, and boring. I hang out with people on Saturdays, and during the week it's not so bad since Greg usually isn't home till late anyway, but Sundays are the worst, especially now since we moved and our new ward meets at 8:30- therefore I have from about noon to 10 pm to patter around the house, trying to find something suitable to watch among my dvds or on netflix. Sometimes I index names on newfamilysearch.org, or talk on the phone to my mom or Greg. By the end of the day, I'm so exhausted from doing nothing that I fall asleep immediately.
I know I could go running every morning, or at least do pilates from the several dvds I had to have. Don't really have a good reason why I don't- I probably will start soon. But for now I guess you could say I'm in mourning- missing the hugs, kisses and laughter that used to be in my life. It's only been 9 days that's he's been gone.
I think it's the fact that he'll be gone 24 more days, rather than the fact that it's already been 9 that makes me sad. If he were coming home tomorrow I would say that 10 days isn't so bad. I feel like I should be able to happy even when I'm perfectly alone. Not just alone for the afternoon, that I enjoy. Or even repeated evenings alone- I can handle that. I used to say that I was 'never less alone than when alone'. And it was true, when my aloneness lasted a day, tops. What can now be said of me that I am in such a fog just because my husband is out of town? I'm still semi-functioning- doing things that need to get done, staying on top of the dishes and laundry (easy, since I'm not washing for two), doing my assignments. The disparity between my actual productivity, and my mental state is comical. Bahaha.
I've relied on one thing in the past to get me through hard times- good thing it will never need to go work in another state, or take a vacation. It's something that perhaps is a gift from God- it feels like it anyway. Through all of the blah feeling of weight pressing down on me, I can still laugh when something's funny, and appreciate wit, humor, and good jokes when they are in front of me. Sometimes I might laugh a little too hard, since I'm itching to laugh at something. But I'll take it, if it gets me through this; my idotic, sarcastic, and, a little silly, sense of humor.
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