Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Reality Check


Ok, I've had a huge reality check. I recently learned something about a woman who is a Saudi Arabian princess. She was married off under pain of torturing her father to a hateful man, (her cousin) who constantly rapes and beats her. She has been secretly taking birth control pills to avoid pregnancy, and seeking a divorce. Her husband found out about the pills, beat her, raped her, and now she's pregnant. They really won't let her leave now if she has a child.

In comparison, my life is a huge chocolate bar with raspberries and sugar on top. What was I thinking? I have a husband I chose and love, would be thrilled to have his child, and have every freedom a person could possible want. I'm so spoiled I don't even know how good I have it.

My blah life day after day


Get ready for a totally emo entry:

I get up at around 7:30 or 8 by magic. I've never been able to do that before. I think it's because I'm sleeping better now that I have the bed to myself. I eat a bowl of cereal, (usually Rice Chex or Frosted Mini-Wheats) and turn on my computer. I check my email, and reply to the few I received overnight. By then I've finished my cereal, and I put an everything bagel in the toaster. Then I eat it while I check facebook and reply to various things and comment on everyone's new pictures.

By now its a little after 8, and I begin to work on my homework for my independent classes- I try to do 2 out 3 subjects per day. By noon I am finished, and then make a burrito or PB and J for lunch. Then I watch a movie on netflix, take a shower, and go to either rehearsal or work at 3, depending on the day of the week. I finish around 6, come home, eat something (usually a piece of fruit, leftovers, and/or another bagel) and then check my email and facebook again. Then I call my mom, or gramma, or whoever, and we talk while I watch another movie on netflix, or fold laundry or something. Then at 9, Greg and I Skype, and talk about our day, and read scriptures together (currently Moses 3). Then I watch online whatever show I missed the day before because I don't have tv, and then around 10 or 11 I write in my journal, fill up the humidifier while my fabric bag of rice or something is heating up in the microwave (I can't sleep if my feet are cold), and then I fall asleep in about 1 minute.

This is the accidental routine I've fallen into since Greg has been gone. It's productive, relaxing, and boring. I hang out with people on Saturdays, and during the week it's not so bad since Greg usually isn't home till late anyway, but Sundays are the worst, especially now since we moved and our new ward meets at 8:30- therefore I have from about noon to 10 pm to patter around the house, trying to find something suitable to watch among my dvds or on netflix. Sometimes I index names on newfamilysearch.org, or talk on the phone to my mom or Greg. By the end of the day, I'm so exhausted from doing nothing that I fall asleep immediately.

I know I could go running every morning, or at least do pilates from the several dvds I had to have. Don't really have a good reason why I don't- I probably will start soon. But for now I guess you could say I'm in mourning- missing the hugs, kisses and laughter that used to be in my life. It's only been 9 days that's he's been gone.

I think it's the fact that he'll be gone 24 more days, rather than the fact that it's already been 9 that makes me sad. If he were coming home tomorrow I would say that 10 days isn't so bad. I feel like I should be able to happy even when I'm perfectly alone. Not just alone for the afternoon, that I enjoy. Or even repeated evenings alone- I can handle that. I used to say that I was 'never less alone than when alone'. And it was true, when my aloneness lasted a day, tops. What can now be said of me that I am in such a fog just because my husband is out of town? I'm still semi-functioning- doing things that need to get done, staying on top of the dishes and laundry (easy, since I'm not washing for two), doing my assignments. The disparity between my actual productivity, and my mental state is comical. Bahaha.

I've relied on one thing in the past to get me through hard times- good thing it will never need to go work in another state, or take a vacation. It's something that perhaps is a gift from God- it feels like it anyway. Through all of the blah feeling of weight pressing down on me, I can still laugh when something's funny, and appreciate wit, humor, and good jokes when they are in front of me. Sometimes I might laugh a little too hard, since I'm itching to laugh at something. But I'll take it, if it gets me through this; my idotic, sarcastic, and, a little silly, sense of humor.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

School....again?


I just signed up online for three general education credits through BYU Independent Study- surprise classes that BYU requires that the U of U did not. So instead of bogging down my senior year next year with horrible science classes, I'm taking them through Independent Study this Spring/Summer. (That's in addition to the 2 classes I'm already taking in person at school.)

The three courses are Biology 100, Physical Science 100, and History 220. I usually hate sciences and maths because generally the types of minds required to accel at them are usually non-conducive to being very great teachers. A good student can clearly see the instructor's mind is swimming with information, but then slumps with the realization that the instructor simply does not possess the powers of explanation to convey what could be fun and exciting concepts to a most willing student. I have often experienced that excitement, when upon asking for clarification on what I expect is a simple subject, to understand that this, another "science" class, is being taught by yes, a scientist, but not a teacher.

A couple years ago I was taking Meteorology at the University of Utah. The 'research professor' was lecturing on warm air versus cold, and which can have more water in it. He said two contradictory statements, so I raised my hand and asked for clarification- "So which can contain more water- hot air or cold?" and he looked at me like I was speaking French, and said, "What?" By now the class is paying attention, and I ask him again to clarify whether hot air or cold could contain more water, explaining that I had understood him to be saying two contradictory statements. He then scratched his head, and looked at me and said, "I'm not really sure."

Amazing.

(By the way, I looked up on the internet in about 5 seconds as soon as I got home which of warm and cold air can contain more water- of course it's warm, as now seems totally obvious.)

His scientific mind can comprehend the most vast of concepts, but his lack of skills in the communication department have rendered him not only unable to understand simple (as opposed to unnecessarily complicated) language, and therefore a poor teacher.

For the rest of the semester, I worked on a bi-weekly basis with the TA; again, a brilliant mind with very poor communication skills. I understood nothing, in fact, I counted my sessions with him as wasted time that I could have been studying on my own. By the end of the term, I had a D in the class, but throughout the whole semester I had been completing all 30 questions at the end of each chapter to help myself study, (as opposed to the three he picked out for us to answer and turn in), and was able to turn them all in for extra credit, and ended up receiving a B in the class.

All in all, a rewarding, fair academic experience, wouldn't you say? Ha. Nothing more than the typical, science and math type experiences I have been exposed to all my academic life. So its not that I "just don't like science and math", its that my teachers have usually had very poor communication and people skills, which led me to accel in arts, languages, and music, which according to right-brain, left-brained-ness, are usually made of up of people with at least average communication skills, if not above ordinary.

This is why I'm glad to be taking Biology and Physical Science independently. As evidenced by my 100% on my first assignment which I completed this morning, I felt re-validated as a sharp mind that can easily comprehend all subjects including science. The courses are written by actual writers, and are not just compilations of a professor's ideas (which I've had before, and know to be extremely confusing), and are quite easy to read and understand. Upon realizing that all it took for science to become clear was clear communication, I became inspired to write this blog. Done, and done.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

START AT THE FIRST POST!!! THIS IS THE LAST ONE.

Ok, that really was the last one. Start at the one called "San Jose", way down at the bottom.




Greg and me on Sunday afternoon.

I played the violin for my grandparents.

More pics of us and Chico.

The view of the seals we saw from our restaurant window.

We toured this tugboat also, and this PIRATE SHIP!!! (It was really a cargo ship I guess, but it totally looks like a pirate ship.)

The guy at the bottom painted DORN on a placard for us. He hid little pictures of animals in the letters that mean good fortune.



Okay I'm posting some more....




This is us in San Francisco, riding the cable car.

The old guy turns the car around at the end of the line manually. You can kinda see the turn around circle behind us in the picture.

START AT THE FIRST POST!!! THIS IS THE LAST ONE.



This little guy was swimming on his back, away from the sea gulls. I think he was playing with them. It was so funny!




***START AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SAN JOSE PICTURES!***

Greg was showing me Samoa on the globe.

I love Chico!

This little Cockatoo was so cute. I'm going to call him Chico. He was such a cuddler!

That grey one was an African Grey. His owner said he was too shy to talk in public.



Still more faces. Then we went to lunch on the pier, where a guy had all his birds out for show. He color coordinated the birds with what people were wearing.




Greg still riding the horsee, and me making faces under Greg's direction, without knowing what the picture on the front was until after.






More flowers, and Greg riding a horse in one of the museums.

Greg took these. A 'budding' photographer, yes?